It's safe to assume Jeffrey Bilhuber has attended a few extravagant galas throughout the years. The New York-based designer has brought his signature modern traditionalist style to the homes of some of the most influential voices in society and seen first-hand how to entertain in an elite fashion. While he plays the role of the appreciative guest superbly, Bilhuber finds no greater joy than welcoming his own star-studded group of friends and family into his home for the holidays.
The decorator favors a more formal affair filled with thought-out seating charts, elegant table settings, and people dressed to the nines. However, he knows how to add unexpected twist to the night that ultimately makes the soiree unforgettable. Here, Bilhuber reveals why he also plans his parties a least a month in advance and why you really should consider hiring a oompah band.
From whom did you learn what a good party should look and feel like?
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Jeffrey Bilhuber: Kate [Rheinstein] Brodsky. Her parties are always bright and memorable and uncomplicated, and I wring my hands in anticipation for the invitation arriving. The calligraphy, the little hints wrapped in language or illustrations—it’s a visual message of what you can expect.
Do you believe good hosting begins before you even cross the threshold?
JB: Yes. When you arrive at Kate’s, or any great cocktail or dinner party, the door is always open. An open door means I’ve been waiting for you. Even a simple doorstop will do, none of this ‘ding-dong, I’m here’ garbage. No one should have to stand outside and wait. A good party smells like cheese puffs and whiskey and citrus. It’s magical when it hits you right when you walk in, and a good indicator that your host is on the ball.
What is the most memorable party you’ve ever thrown?
JB: One year, I splurged and hired an oompah band that I randomly came across, a Walter Matthau–looking group in boiled wool and lederhosen and very much in their senior years. They greeted guests in the hall, and the party was unstoppable once that band kicked in. The pokiness of having an accordion and a tuba was so joyful. Because you really need something other than a Christmas tree.
Are you a better host or guest?
JB: I’m a very appreciative guest, but I’m a sensational host—unstoppable. I think a great host has the ability to seamlessly move from one guest to another. A host should never be stationary, never too much time with one particular party, and a good host is not running back and forth to kitchen or fooling with dirty glasses. The job is to connect your guests and spend time with them. That’s how a party takes on a life of its own.
What can guests always count on when you host?
JB: Whiskey! Whiskey sours are my drink of choice and the house drink. And don’t give me this BS that you can’t have a citrus drink at Christmas. I’m a year-round whiskey swiller—with apple cider in the autumn, a sprig of rosemary in winter.
What separates a good party from a bad party?
JB: Good planning. No hablo spontaneity. Start a month before, when you’re relaxed about the whole thing, when you’re not trying to frantically pull it all together—this will make you a more relaxed host, which means your guests will be relaxed.
Where do holiday parties happen in your home?
JB: The living room for drinks, the dining room for dinner. And stay out of the kitchen. This isn’t a group effort, and you run the risk of being stabbed. We don’t mingle there. Dorothy, I’d turn back if I were you.
Do you create a seating chart for dinner?
JB: ‘Pull up a chair’ does not happen in my house. A good seating plan keeps everyone engaged and lets the party take on a life of its own. I like to seat someone higher-profile with someone genuinely interested and stimulated by their stories. The goal is to make one plus one equal three. And don’t get me started on someone who changes the seating…
How “dressed” is your table?
JB: It’s not textbook, but I use components which ring true to the occasion. For instance, I never use a tablecloth, placemats only. And I’ll always use a proper, 24-inch square dinner napkin (18 inch napkins are for breakfast).
Buffet or plated dinner?
JB: I don’t like a buffet—a little too Carnival Cruise line for me—but I have come to adore what I refer to as English style sideboard entertaining. Everyone has a sideboard that has some dusty tea service, but what it should have is the food for the evening. It’s so wonderful to have covered compotes on the sideboard and to be able to take your plate and help yourself to dinner, especially at Christmas. [The socialite] Johnny Galliher was known for inviting friends to intimate meals in his New York apartment, and he devised a clever system for serving guests. He’d place a large basket like a hamper, lined with cloth and filled with clean dishes, to his left. An empty basket was on his right. When the first course would finish, guests would pass their plates, and he’d put them in the empty hamper and pass down new plates, and so on. The point was that he never left the table or missed a moment.
What about the flowers?
JB: For centerpieces, I skip the florist and head straight to the produce aisle. I love using tonal vegetables or citrus down a table. For instance, cranberries, apples and plums with bunches of herbs, parsley and rosemary and thyme in glasses. And votives only, no taper candles and combustible holly. Too much tension for me, thank you very much.
How do you serve drinks?
JB: At the table, I like the idea of having small pitchers of wine in front of every place setting, a half bottle each, like an Italian restaurant. And I don’t do pairing shenanigans. If it’s there, I’m drinking it.
How important is lighting?
JB: I don’t like a dark dining room. It’s important to see your guests, the beauty of the room, what you’re eating. But avoid the chandelier if you can. They are very harsh and tend to run too bright. Do the math: if each bulb is 100 watts, do you really want all that light shining down on you?
In your opinion, what should hosts think more about? Less about?
JB: Every host needs an hour and a good drink before guests arrive. There’s ceremony to this part of the evening—no hustling or panicking. Also, votives last around 15 hours. Why are you waiting until the last second to run around and light them?
