Welcome to "Cocktails & Conversation," where modern luminaries throughout the industry are ready to unpack their most memorable soirees. In this iteration, design legend Nicky Haslam and decorating doyenne Colette van den Thillart discuss what makes holiday get-togethers successful, and the lessons they've learned. Discover what really goes down at royal weddings—and why you should be investing in lowball glasses.
What should a party look, taste, smell, and feel like? What separates a good party from a bad one?
Nicky Haslam: I think we can quote Diana Cooper’s great line about parties: “The only way to give a successful party is to give too much to drink a chocolate pudding”
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Colette van den Thillart: Well, that’s perfect. I think a party should ‘look like a soft glow, taste like not much–food is so smelly after all! And smell like Mitsouko–in other words: exoticism, love, and longing.
What about a bad party?
NH: When people try too hard don’t you think?
CVDT: Yes, totally.
NH: Daintiness.
NH: Too good food, or too many courses, you want caviar but then Irish stew or the other way around.
CVDT: I think politeness is really boring at a party.
NH: Yes, and not in the sense of balance but in the sense of being pretentious.
How would you describe your party style?
CVDT: We are very copacetic in this regard! We care all about the atmosphere and very little about the food! Expect that the food should be small, bit size! Unless it's Oysters Rockefeller. I would make a ‘no fish’ exception for these, and ironically, oysters don’t ruin the breath.
We are about the drink–a witty or upbeat cocktail de Nuit and generous servers. We are both very good a" flow," as well, moving around and locating bars and such so that people don’t get stuck. Also, we both love the planning bit so we plan far in advance and spend lots of time in the shops getting trinkets and flowers and such.
Who is the better host? Who is the better guest?
CVDT: Well, truthfully, I think I'm a better host, and Nicky is a better guest. I'm a very relaxed hostess, and he worries the entire time. Guest-wise, we share the belief that you really should ‘bring it’ when you come as a guest, but I can't compete with his storytelling!
If you were writing a book about parties, what would be the first chapter?
NH: The party that comes to mind would be the one from Breakfast at Tiffany’s, but the best parties and parties in general.
CVDT: Well don't you think chapter one with the history of the best parties would be rather good?
NH: The best party I ever went to was the one The Queen gave after Charles's and Diana’s wedding. I mean the most extraordinary party.
CVDT: Why was it so extraordinary?
NH: Well, The Queen didn't want a hiatus between the end of the wedding and the beginning of the party, so it started at like 5:30 p.m. at Claridge’s. The television coverage was on a big screen as you walked in, and there was Grace Kelly, Mrs. Reagan, and every crowned head you’ve ever thought of. Freddy Ashton, David Hicks, and hundreds of people, and you just mingled.
The Queen walked past greeting everyone, and then, they danced to an orchestra which she flew in from New York. We danced all night; I danced with Freddy Ashton and the Infanta of Spain. The party hadn’t been decorated–it was just Claridge’s. There was a dinner with delicious things like smoked salmon sandwiches.
CVDT: It sounds like it was quite jolly! You often say one royal will ruin a party, but maybe, it was so jolly because there were so many royals.
NH: Exactly, there were so many!
NH: I remember David Hicks asking “Nicky, do you know Queen Anne of Romania?” It was great fun, and it was the last time I ever saw Grace Kelly; she died quite soon after.
Do you prefer to be a party host or a party guest?
NH: I like being a host until the party is on, and then, I get nervous.
CVDT: That’s true actually which is so surprising.
NH: I like planning it and making sure that it's perfect. However, I get slightly nervous.
CVDT: Well, you’re a very considerate host. You really do care that everyone is looked after…maybe too much!
NH: You have to be bossy at a party. Elsa Maxwell was fiercely bossy at her parties.
CVDT: Well, I'm known for being bossy, but I just don’t do bossy host. I prefer to be a guest absolutely, but I take "guest-ing" very seriously. I contribute to the entertainment I don’t just expect to show up and be entertained.
For a sit-down party, how important is the conversation and how do you facilitate it?
NH: That’s a question of seating, really making sure that you’re putting people next to each other who have a smidge of the same interests
CVDT: Hmmm, I have to say I take the opposite approach. I think about contrasting people and hope for the best! If I know there is an introvert in the mix, I put them next to me, my husband, or a bubbly friend I know can bring them out. I definitely do a placement days in advance–it really can make all the difference. It's an art though really, don't you think?
NH: It is an art, yes. It's a good idea to really remember who you’ve had before and where they have sat. It's a bit complicated, but people tend to do that. You never sit with the same person twice, and you never get the same food twice.
CVDT: What day of the week was your ball at Parkstead House?
NH: Wednesday or Thursday?
CVDT: Weekday parties are much chicer.
NH: I remember the big hunting lodge party that was on a Saturday, and I asked Barbara Argyle if she would come. She asked when is it, and when I told her it was Saturday she responded, "Saturday? In the country? Are you mad?"
CVDT: I’m surprised you had it on a Saturday, but then again, people are meant to be in the country on a Saturday.
Do you prefer table settings and formal sit-downs or buffet?
NH: I think getting up to serve yourself, and then, sit back down is a nightmare. It’s either a buffet or it's not.
CVDT: If it's a buffet, it should just be a roaming supper. People all over the house eating on plates on their lap. I adore these type of evenings, but then, I'm an extrovert with a short attention span.
NH: And have plenty of little tables where they can put it down. A fork supper is what it used to be called in the old days. You can eat everything with a fork.
CVDT: I love that. Let’s bring that back!
NH: Either that or put everybody properly at a chair. Never serve the ladies first–it's so common. Dreadful serving ladies first, it's like having a ladies' menu with no prices.
CVDT: It’s insulting, actually.
What's your approach to flowers?
NH: The Edwardians said you should never have scented flowers on the table because it took away the taste of the food. I quite like the smell of flowers on tables, though. They have to be original.
CVDT: We are both pretty DIY florist. You don't really like tailored overdone arrangements and neither do I. In fact, I also like doing unexpecting things on the table in lieu of flowers. How about architectural models, or sugar sculptures like I did for the dinner at Kensington Palace?
NH: Have live chickens and let them walk down the table!
CVDT: Why have flowers when you can have chickens?
NH: Exactly! I had a party for Lee Radziwill many years ago, and I had very tall narcissi down the middle of the table. You couldn’t see through them, and everybody had a pair of scissors so you could cut them down.
CVDT: That’s divine, did Lee like it?
NH: She adored it, “Oh! Oh!”
CVDT: She said with great exclaim.
My friend, Melanie Doderer Winkler, wrote a wonderful book, Magnificent Entertainments, that rather captures the spirit of party-giving. It's on Georgian entertainment, and the temporary ephemeral designs they would create for public and private events. "Fleeting moments of delight," that’s really the goal. And, a lot of these were done with paper, chalk, and sugar—very temporary, but very creative and impactful.
How about your signature drinks?
NH: I don’t have one. I go through fazes of liking something like I’m mad about old fashions at the moment. I think one has to have a cocktail, though. I suppose a good one is the Gibson which Cole Porter taught me: a martini with pearl onion, but not in a martini glass. I think they are common, and people spill them. Wine glasses, too.
CVDT: A lowball
NH: Exactly.
CVDT: I think everything in a low ball, even wine. I don't like wine glasses either.
NH: Exactly, wine glasses are common.
CVDT: Me too.
NH: Especially, when you have different ones for different red wine, and they change the glasses. Common.
CVDT: I'm pretty basic when it comes to drinks, really. Champagne, a gin cocktail, a vodka cocktail, a red and white wine. I don’t stress too much about it. This summer my signature drink was an ‘Elisir di Rose’ which I made up. Hendrik's Summer Solstice Gin, Fever Tree Aromatic tonic (which is pink), and Santa Maria Novella ‘Elisir di Rose’ which is a rose flavored syrup. I do seem to have a thing for pink drinks on the bar.
Also, a chic non-alcoholic cocktail: there are so many interesting mocktail brands out there now, and even if not abstaining, sometimes it keeps the party going later on in the night.
But I take a lot of care in the presentation of the trays and glasses. For larger groups, I like lots of mingling staff so a drink is always at hand. For dinner parties, I quite like to set up a bar and do some of the serving myself. It's just convivial and something to talk about! Also, a good bar looks so inviting.
Is there such a thing as the right amount of people for a good party?
NH: Dinners for more than eight are quite difficult. It becomes tricky, perhaps 10 at the most, but not for a big party, the more the merrier.
CVDT: I agree.
NH: I quite like people coming in after the dinner to help break the ice.
CVDT: Yes, a human reviver! A pick me up!
NH: It's much better than coffee. It is sort of a nightmare to me when people ask for coffee after dinner. Much better is new guests coming that pick you up! Offering coffee or tea, oh dear that’s dreadful. Would you like a tea? Would you like ginger or chamomile, or would you like mint? Ugh!
I do like ginger, later on, around midnight, but not straight after dinner.
CVDT: Especially if you want people to stay. If you do that coffee round, everyone wants to leave.
NH: Or broth, people who serve broth at 1 o’clock is rather nice.
What about lighting? What's ideal?
NH: As low as you can get it, but can still see.
CVDT: Candles mostly and table level lighting. Cordless lamps…the new thing, they are life-changing.
NH: I’ve read about them, wonderful.
CVDT: This is one of the most important factors in the success of the evening! I literally walk around days before figuring out all the ambiance settings for every space including the loo, the kitchen, and outside.
What should the host think more about and less about?
NH: I think you really have to have a sense of the time. You can’t ask people for drinks at 7:30, and then, serve dinner at 10 which happened to me the other day. It's a nightmare. You have to be careful about timing and think less about whether everyone is flirting with your husband.
CVDT: I wish hosts would think more about the guests in a funny way. One thing when we host together is we have a natural circulation rhythm. We are both good at spotting lulls and sweeping in to sort of move the energy around. Just scanning the room and moving around.
What's the worst party you've ever hosted—or been to?
NH: GQ gave a party, an awards dinner at the opera, and the master of ceremonies was so rude and vulgar, I said to the top guy, “I’ve had dinner with Cary Grant. I don’t know what this shit is!”
CVDT: Rudeness is a bit of a downer at a party unless it's witty. Downers.
NH: Rudeness is unbearable anyway. Unless it’s really got a point. Diana Cooper always said it was very common to get your quotations right. You have to give the person you are talking to the chance to correct them. Of course, the rudeness was too correct.
CVDT: I actually left a dinner party last year as the guest beside me had sat with her back to me the entire time. Only invite people who can navigate a table I say! The host might have clocked it but alas…
What's your favorite kind of holiday party?
NH: Well, they are kind of pointless now. No one stays in town for Christmas. In the old days, everyone stayed in town for Christmas and New Year, but now people go skiing or to Marrakech or something.
CVDT: I don't think you, and I have ever been to a Christmas party together.
NH: You rely on scraping when you throw a party at Christmas. You invite all these people, they can't come, and then, you are with all these cases of champagne.
CVDT: I do love them though. I think you can throw them early enough to get a crowd, and everyone is in a jolly mood.
Do you like to host fancy dress parties?
NH: I have done them, but you have to have a theme that men don’t mind dressing up for. Don’t give an 18th-century one; they all end up looking like Phillip Green. But if it’s hunting, people look quite good in a suit. It's dodgy doing a fancy dress party.
CVDT: Personally I love them…
NH: They can be fun if it's really well done, but if it's just shuffling off to a costumier and buying a peroxide wig, it’s no good.
CVDT: That’s the problem. You have to be willing to go the extra mile.
NH: People used to have things made by Dior or something for a fancy dress party.
I think mask parties are rather fun. Well, there are lots of those around right now. Even just black masks like Marie Antoinette had, so you don’t know who people were. Those are quite amusing.
CVDT: No fish, no salmon canapés for God's sake!
NH: No salmon anywhere! Sausages on sticks with a bit of cheese and a pineapple is my idea of heaven.
