Pop the champagne, bring out your best cocktail glasses, and find yourself a cozy perch—this is a conversation you're going to want to hear. Modern luminaries throughout the industry are ready to unpack their most memorable soirees and can’t-miss party tips in our new series, "Cocktails & Conversation."
First up, the oh-so-brilliant Peter Dunham. Born in England and raised in France, the interior and textile designer is a consummate host always ensuring each guest feels welcome and throughly entertained. Here, Dunham reveals his need-to-know advice for throwing the most gracious event of the season. (Hint: it may involve a vodka gimlet or two.)
Peter Dunham's Party Style
From whom did you learn what a good party should look, taste, smell, and feel like?
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Peter Dunham: Originally from a friend of my parents, Sue Guinness. She really knew how to make a party seem effortless, but behind the scenes, she obviously put a tremendous amount of care into the planning. The food was simple, appropriate, delicious, but above all, it was about a really fantastic guest list. She brought together a mixture of people: young and old, rich and poor. There were creative people and important people, but somehow no one felt intimidated, and everyone could shine.
Then when I moved to New York, I was lucky to be introduced to Kenny Lane by a friend in London. Within the first month, I was invited to one of his bimonthly lunches. They were an art form unto themselves, every bit as polished as his jewelry. It ran like clockwork.
You were asked for 12:30 and you could be back at work by 2:30. The idle rich could stay later. I think Kenny made a habit of harvesting interesting recruits for his lunches during his very active social life. This was in the early '80s and his lunches felt like the cream off the top of the Studio 54 crowd. You’d see the most amazing people there: Mrs. Onassis, Sister Parish wearing a hat perched on a corner banquette, Mick Jagger and Jerry Hall, the Maharani of Jaipur, young Euros, Andy Warhol, C.Z Guest, tycoons, boldface titles, and also hustlers, artists, and writers. In a weird way, it was as unpretentious as it was fancy.
It was a truly brilliant operation with flawless, unobtrusive service. Kenny never looked anything but totally relaxed. You walked through the front door and were handed a drink in a heavy sterling tumbler before being launched into his living room, which was the old ballroom of a Stamford White mansion on Park Avenue. You always saw someone you knew–[Kenny] always made it a point of you meeting others. I ended up meeting people who became my best friends.
The party was designed so that everyone felt at ease and very comfortable. I can’t tell you I remember the flowers or scents—except cigarettes and expensive perfume. The food was something simple, delicious, and homemade that you could handle perched somewhere or standing. But like Sue Guinness’s lunches, Kenny’s were made by a fantastic guest list and a host who ensured everyone was there to have fun.
What separates a good party from a bad party?
PD: Preparation, planning, and care. Whether it’s with the guest list, the food, the lighting, or the music choice, it comes down to prep work. Everything has to be worked out in advance so, at the moment, you can do your one job as host: concentrate on the people.
What can a guest always count on at your parties?
PD: Having fun. Meeting someone interesting. Having had good conversations. Having been made to feel welcome. That I bothered to introduce them to someone who was of interest to them.
Where do your holiday parties happen in your home?
PD: I tend to like holiday parties where I can include a lot of people. It’s always awkward to exclude people. So people are everywhere–my living room, one of the two dining rooms, the terrace outside. I like to have lots of places for people to gather.
What is the single most important thing to you in throwing a magical party?
PD: Knowing who my audience is, and making a point out of introductions. Remembering who needs to meet whom, to remember the names of your guests’ dates. In my book, the only role of a host is to introduce people and break the ice. Drinks help.
What's your favorite type of holiday party to host?
PD: My favorite holiday party is to gather all the strays—all the people that I love who weren’t going away for the holidays. My parents used to do it in Paris. I did this in New York for several years. You end up with this mixture of people who experience happiness from togetherness at a sweet time. Literally, there were 60 people one year for Christmas Day lunch. Everyone was asked to bring one gift worth $50 and we did a lottery so everyone left with a decent gift. On Christmas day people wanted to come at 11 a.m. and stay till 8 p.m., sometimes later to dance. You could not get rid of people—a sign of the best parties.
Are you a better host or guest? Why?
PD: More often than not, a host. I love having people at home and giving them a good time. I find that a lot of hosts don’t necessarily make the same effort I do. I’ve been to so many parties where I wasn’t introduced to a single person—it’s the weirdest thing.
Party Conversation
How important is fostering good conversation?
PD: It’s the only thing. No one cares about the food at a party! They want to meet someone sexy, interesting, glamorous, inspiring, intelligent, or useful. Good conversation is the whole point of going to a party. Good to make the music sexy but not tiresomely loud.
What's the best conversation you’ve had at a party?
PD: Every time I was at a dinner with John Richardson (the Picasso biographer). He was such a fantastic raconteur. I remember perfectly the mixture of interesting and salacious gossip, downright naughtiness, and culture, all rolled into one monologue.
Table and Florals
Do you develop a seating plan for dinner parties—why or why not?
PD: For a seated dinner, the seating plan is vital. I do not want husband and wife sitting next to or near each other, even at the same table: It’s a conversation Gulag. Nothing is more boring than talking to a husband and wife at the same time. And a host’s skill is in putting the right people next to each other. I hate when people change their seats at the table. But I am not a dictator, and after the first two courses, I think it's great for people to move around.
What's your secret to the art of pairing dinner partners?
PD: To either side of a person, place someone they might want to flirt with on one side and on the other side, someone they need to know from a business, cultural, or social interest.
How “dressed” is your table?
PD: Simple, I don’t like fussy. My big impact is that I make tablecloths to the floor from one of my own fabrics then lots of candlelight. A couple of times I have been to dinners where there was only candlelight in the dining room, even from the chandelier. Now, that is magical.
What is your approach to flowers for holiday parties?
PD: Generally, I like simple flowers or just greenery–and definitely not scented. Camelias are a great winter option with a faint scent, they’re really pretty, and you may even be able to cut them from your own garden. I would much rather pay for more service than expensive flowers.
The Bar
How central is your bar? Is it part of the guest experience or more of a back-of-the-house operation?
PD: All of the above. I like guests to be offered a special cocktail right by the front door to relax them, and just Pellegrino for those who don’t want a drink. Then you also have a fully stocked bar that people can go to any time. Lastly, a good catering staff who remembers what each guest is drinking and proactively refills when they see drinks are half empty.
Do you have a signature drink that always seems to appear at your parties?
PD: I like a vodka gimlet that’s minty, tangy, and citrusy at the same time or a homemade blood orange margarita. Almost everyone wants to try it. It’s all about making people relaxed when they arrive with a strong drink.
Guests and Experiences
Explain your thought process on the art of curating a guest list. What's the right number of people, do they know each other, etc.?
PD: Everything comes down to the guest list. It has to be eclectic. You want guests to bring a date and hopefully know someone there so they don’t feel stranded, but also to feel inspired and invigorated by new introductions. I find having 30-50 people is ideal.
For your holiday parties, what is the dress?
PD:I don’t really believe in dress codes. If someone feels comfortable in dungarees, they should come in dungarees. If someone wants to come in a ball gown, they should come in a ball gown. It’s obviously more fun if they make an effort but, like flowers, I am much more about the conversation than the carats.
How important is lighting and why?
PD: Vital. Low lighting. Preferably entirely candlelit. You could do a party at a 7/11 if you just use candlelight. But make sure people don’t fall down a step or have to be cautious from too little of it.
In your opinion, what should hosts think more about? Less about? In other words, what's your best advice?
PD: Every detail should be worked out in advance so that everything looks and is, actually, carefree for the host. If you can afford it, always hire more staff than you estimate. Buy more food than you need because it's fun when extra people come along and never run out of drink. I love a party when all I have to do have fun with the guests.
